I was sitting with a client recently who kept asking a question many of us have asked at some point in our lives: “Why does what I want never seem to work out for me?”
He shared feelings overlooked for growth at work, frustrated with finances, and discouraged in his relationship. Despite being dependable, hardworking, and committed, he felt like he couldn’t catch a break — like no matter how much effort he put in, nothing was moving in his favor.
This isn’t a rare conversation. Different people. Different stories. But the same question always surfaces: Why me?
And truthfully, it’s a question I’ve asked myself before, too.
When life feels like it’s not aligning, it’s easy to assume we’re doing something wrong or that we’re being overlooked, dismissed, or passed by. In work settings, many people feel that ethics and effort no longer matter — that advancement is about who you know, not how you show up. That realization can be disheartening, especially for those who lead with integrity.
But when we ask “Why me?”, there are several ways to explore that question — without self-blame and without judgment.
Sometimes it’s worth looking inward:
How are we truly showing up?
Are we advocating for ourselves?
What sets us apart beyond effort alone?
And other times, it’s not about effort at all.
There are moments when paths are blocked for our protection. A role we desire may come with stress we don’t see yet. An environment may require compromise that costs us peace. A relationship — romantic or platonic — may be draining us more than we realize.
The same applies to relationships. Knowing when to hold on — and when to let go — is one of the hardest forms of growth. But sometimes releasing a connection creates space for alignment elsewhere. One area of our lives can quietly block growth in another.
When we ask “Why me?”, we’re often grieving paths that were never meant for our well-being.
The invitation is to pause. To look with clarity — not just emotion. To listen with awareness — not attachment.
Sometimes the answer isn’t hidden. We’re just looking through the lens of desire instead of discernment.Remain thankful. Trust that even the smallest redirection can support transformation. What feels like a delay may actually be protection. What feels like loss may be making room for elevation.
Life invites us into transformation in many ways — through joy, through discomfort, and sometimes through endings we didn’t expect. Recently, I’ve been supporting someone navigating a divorce, and it reminded me how deeply personal transitions reflect the essence of R.I.Z.E. Transformational Coaching.
Divorce is often misunderstood as a failure or a breaking point. But in truth, it is one of the most powerful opportunities for self-discovery, healing, and rebirth. It is a space where we are asked not to retreat, but to rise.
This article explores how divorce, through the lens of the R.I.Z.E. pillars — Resilience, Introspection, Zen, and Elevation — can become a catalyst for profound transformation.
The Human Side of Divorce: More Than an Ending
When a relationship ends, it can feel like the world has shifted beneath your feet. Whether the separation is mutual or unexpected, the emotional terrain is often filled with grief, confusion, guilt, or relief — sometimes all at once.
But what many people forget is that divorce is not simply the breaking apart of two individuals. It is the breaking open of truths, lessons, patterns, and possibilities. Every relationship has a purpose: to teach, to reveal, to stretch us, or to prepare us.
Sometimes, a marriage offers clarity on what aligns with us. Other times, it reveals what no longer fits who we are becoming. And occasionally, it helps us recognize the parts of ourselves we ignored or silenced along the way.
Understanding this allows the transition to become not just an end, but a beginning.
The R.I.Z.E. Framework for Divorce Transformation
The R.I.Z.E. pillars serve as guiding lights during major life transitions — especially one as emotionally layered as divorce. They provide structure, compassion, and clarity as a person rebuilds their identity, voice, and vision for their life.
R — Resilience: Learning to Stand Again
Resilience is not about being unaffected. It’s about being willing to rise, even with trembling hands.
Divorce tests the emotional foundation of a person. You may question who you are outside the marriage. You may grieve the version of life you expected. You may feel lost, angry, or afraid.
Resilience invites you to acknowledge your emotions without becoming consumed by them. It says:
You are allowed to feel this.
You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to continue forward.
Resilience is built moment by moment — through decisions, boundaries, and new commitments to yourself.
I — Introspection: Understanding the Lesson Beneath the Experience
No marriage ends without reason. But the reasons extend deeper than surface-level conflicts or circumstances.
Introspection invites you to explore questions like:
What did this relationship teach me about myself?
Where did I compromise too much?
Where did I grow?
What values do I now know I need in a partnership?
What beliefs about love or self-worth are ready to shift?
Introspection turns pain into insight. It transforms confusion into clarity. It allows the story to evolve from heartbreak into wisdom.
This is the stage where clients often begin to reclaim their voice and identify what they truly want moving forward.
Z — Zen: Finding Stillness in the Middle of Change
Divorce can bring chaos — paperwork, emotional triggers, new routines, financial transitions, or family dynamics. But even in the midst of this, there is sacred space for grounding and peace.
Zen doesn’t require silence, perfection, or spirituality. Zen simply invites presence.
It helps clients slow down and reconnect with their inner truth instead of reacting from fear or pain.
Practices may include:
intentional breathing
guided grounding
journaling
mindfulness
body awareness
emotional regulation techniques
Zen supports clients in choosing aligned responses instead of impulsive reactions. It creates emotional safety — the foundation of real transformation.
E — Elevation: Rising Into a New Chapter
Elevation is the moment when clients begin to rise above the story of loss and into the story of empowerment.
It’s when the questions shift from:
Why did this happen to me? to
What is this guiding me toward?
Elevation allows a person to walk away without labeling themselves a failure. It removes shame from the conversation. It acknowledges that not every relationship is meant to last forever — and that’s okay.
Closing a chapter is not giving up. Sometimes it is the bravest choice you can make.
It honors both individuals by allowing each to grow in directions that no longer align together.
Elevation is choosing truth, choosing healing, and choosing yourself.
The Transformation After the Transition
Divorce can reveal:
new levels of personal strength
desires that were buried
dreams that were paused
boundaries that were needed
the next version of one’s identity
With the right support, clients often emerge more centered, more aligned, and more self-aware than ever before.
Transformation doesn’t erase the past — it reshapes its meaning.
And with the R.I.Z.E. pillars guiding the journey, divorce becomes less about endings and more about evolution.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is not a failure. It is not a weakness. It is not a reflection of someone’s worth.
It is a transition — sometimes painful, sometimes liberating — but ultimately an opportunity to rediscover oneself.
Through Resilience, Introspection, Zen, and Elevation, clients learn that they are not breaking down — they are breaking open.
Loss doesn’t always mean the death of a loved one—it can also be the loss of a relationship, community, home, health, or even a version of your past life.
Different Forms of Loss
Loss of a loved one: The deep pain of saying goodbye to someone who has passed.
Loss of a relationship: Friendships, marriages, or bonds that dissolve, leaving a void.
Loss of a pet: Our pets walk with us through seasons of life, and their passing can be just as heavy as losing a family member.
Loss of community: Moving away or watching a familiar place change in ways you aren’t ready for.
Loss of home: This could mean losing a family home, or tragedy striking through fire, storm, or other unexpected events.
Loss of lifestyle: When life transitions—career shifts, health changes, or personal growth—you may grieve the “old you” and the connections that once felt secure.
Grieving is not wrong—but if we’re not careful, we can get stuck.
My Story of Grief
In 2010, I lost my baby. He lived less than 30 minutes after birth. For the next 10 years, I carried guilt and sadness that shaped my choices. I “partied” to hide my pain, but joy felt like something I didn’t deserve. Even when I smiled, my thoughts returned to what if and why not me.
Grief held me hostage until I learned that healing didn’t mean forgetting—it meant finding peace while honoring my love for him.
Witnessing Grief in Others
I know someone who has been grieving their health. At a young age, he became a dialysis patient. For years he resisted acceptance, living as though nothing had changed., which resulted in constant stays at the hospital. Later, grief transformed into quietness—perhaps acceptance, perhaps exhaustion. Watching him reminds me that grief is not always loud; sometimes it is silent.
Understanding Grief
Your grief will not look like mine, and mine will not look like yours. Grief is not packaged the same way for everyone.
Many people suffer silently, unsure how to name what they feel or how to move forward. Some believe grief is just “something to get over.” But grief is more than pain—it is love and attachment to what once was.
A Gentle Reminder
Be kind to yourself.
Lean on your support system or seek therapy.
Remember: you are not weak for grieving.
Discover tools that help when it feels overwhelming—journaling, meditation, or energy practices.
Honor your memories, but also give yourself permission to grow.
Grief is powerful. Left unchecked, it can lead to hopelessness, anger, or disconnection. But when we meet it with compassion, grief can also become a teacher—guiding us toward transformation.
✨ If you are grieving, please know: you are not alone.
Life is full of challenges, but have you ever wondered why? Why do obstacles seem to appear just when you’re making progress? Why does life sometimes feel so hard?
For many, it can feel like they’re not meant for success, as if life is working against them. Blockages can show up in different ways:
Financial struggles – Money seems to disappear as soon as it arrives.
Mental roadblocks – Self-doubt and limiting beliefs hold you back.
Health issues – Stress, fatigue, or illness seem constant.
But what if I told you that our mindset plays a major role in shaping our reality?
The Power of Your Beliefs
C.S. Lewis once said: “We are what we believe.”
Let that sink in. If you constantly think: ❌ “Everything goes wrong for me.” → Life will feel like one big struggle. ❌ “I’m always sick.” → Your body will reflect that belief. ❌ “I never have enough money.” → Money will continue to slip away.
Our thoughts are energy—and what we put out into the world, we receive in return. The Law of Attraction teaches us that our dominant thoughts manifest into reality.
So, if you shift your focus and start believing: ✅ “Abundance flows to me effortlessly.” ✅ “I am strong, healthy, and resilient.” ✅ “Challenges are opportunities for growth.”
You change your energy, your actions, and ultimately, your life.
How to Overcome Life’s Challenges
Life is a journey of lessons, not perfection. No one promised an easy path, but we do have the power to shape our response. Here are a few guiding principles that can help:
Build Strong Character – Stay true to your values and integrity.
Control Your Emotions – Pause. Breathe. Reflect. Don’t let outside forces dictate your peace.
Energy Flows Where Attention Goes – Focus on solutions, not problems.
Embrace Duality – Life has highs and lows, but both bring growth.
Accept Imperfection – Nothing (and no one) is perfect—growth comes from the journey.
Your Challenges Are Preparing You for Greatness
We can either learn and grow from challenges or remain stuck in repetitive cycles. The choice is ours.
Next time life feels overwhelming, shift your perspective: 💡 See obstacles as stepping stones. 💡 Recognize setbacks as redirections. 💡 Be thankful for challenges—they are shaping you into the person you’re meant to be.
Your journey is yours alone—Embrace it, Own it, and Give Thanks for every step. You are leveling up!
