I was sitting with a client recently who kept asking a question many of us have asked at some point in our lives: “Why does what I want never seem to work out for me?”
He shared feelings overlooked for growth at work, frustrated with finances, and discouraged in his relationship. Despite being dependable, hardworking, and committed, he felt like he couldn’t catch a break — like no matter how much effort he put in, nothing was moving in his favor.
This isn’t a rare conversation. Different people. Different stories. But the same question always surfaces: Why me?
And truthfully, it’s a question I’ve asked myself before, too.
When life feels like it’s not aligning, it’s easy to assume we’re doing something wrong or that we’re being overlooked, dismissed, or passed by. In work settings, many people feel that ethics and effort no longer matter — that advancement is about who you know, not how you show up. That realization can be disheartening, especially for those who lead with integrity.
But when we ask “Why me?”, there are several ways to explore that question — without self-blame and without judgment.
Sometimes it’s worth looking inward:
How are we truly showing up?
Are we advocating for ourselves?
What sets us apart beyond effort alone?
And other times, it’s not about effort at all.
There are moments when paths are blocked for our protection. A role we desire may come with stress we don’t see yet. An environment may require compromise that costs us peace. A relationship — romantic or platonic — may be draining us more than we realize.
The same applies to relationships. Knowing when to hold on — and when to let go — is one of the hardest forms of growth. But sometimes releasing a connection creates space for alignment elsewhere. One area of our lives can quietly block growth in another.
When we ask “Why me?”, we’re often grieving paths that were never meant for our well-being.
The invitation is to pause. To look with clarity — not just emotion. To listen with awareness — not attachment.
Sometimes the answer isn’t hidden. We’re just looking through the lens of desire instead of discernment.Remain thankful. Trust that even the smallest redirection can support transformation. What feels like a delay may actually be protection. What feels like loss may be making room for elevation.
Life invites us into transformation in many ways — through joy, through discomfort, and sometimes through endings we didn’t expect. Recently, I’ve been supporting someone navigating a divorce, and it reminded me how deeply personal transitions reflect the essence of R.I.Z.E. Transformational Coaching.
Divorce is often misunderstood as a failure or a breaking point. But in truth, it is one of the most powerful opportunities for self-discovery, healing, and rebirth. It is a space where we are asked not to retreat, but to rise.
This article explores how divorce, through the lens of the R.I.Z.E. pillars — Resilience, Introspection, Zen, and Elevation — can become a catalyst for profound transformation.
The Human Side of Divorce: More Than an Ending
When a relationship ends, it can feel like the world has shifted beneath your feet. Whether the separation is mutual or unexpected, the emotional terrain is often filled with grief, confusion, guilt, or relief — sometimes all at once.
But what many people forget is that divorce is not simply the breaking apart of two individuals. It is the breaking open of truths, lessons, patterns, and possibilities. Every relationship has a purpose: to teach, to reveal, to stretch us, or to prepare us.
Sometimes, a marriage offers clarity on what aligns with us. Other times, it reveals what no longer fits who we are becoming. And occasionally, it helps us recognize the parts of ourselves we ignored or silenced along the way.
Understanding this allows the transition to become not just an end, but a beginning.
The R.I.Z.E. Framework for Divorce Transformation
The R.I.Z.E. pillars serve as guiding lights during major life transitions — especially one as emotionally layered as divorce. They provide structure, compassion, and clarity as a person rebuilds their identity, voice, and vision for their life.
R — Resilience: Learning to Stand Again
Resilience is not about being unaffected. It’s about being willing to rise, even with trembling hands.
Divorce tests the emotional foundation of a person. You may question who you are outside the marriage. You may grieve the version of life you expected. You may feel lost, angry, or afraid.
Resilience invites you to acknowledge your emotions without becoming consumed by them. It says:
You are allowed to feel this.
You are allowed to take your time.
You are allowed to continue forward.
Resilience is built moment by moment — through decisions, boundaries, and new commitments to yourself.
I — Introspection: Understanding the Lesson Beneath the Experience
No marriage ends without reason. But the reasons extend deeper than surface-level conflicts or circumstances.
Introspection invites you to explore questions like:
What did this relationship teach me about myself?
Where did I compromise too much?
Where did I grow?
What values do I now know I need in a partnership?
What beliefs about love or self-worth are ready to shift?
Introspection turns pain into insight. It transforms confusion into clarity. It allows the story to evolve from heartbreak into wisdom.
This is the stage where clients often begin to reclaim their voice and identify what they truly want moving forward.
Z — Zen: Finding Stillness in the Middle of Change
Divorce can bring chaos — paperwork, emotional triggers, new routines, financial transitions, or family dynamics. But even in the midst of this, there is sacred space for grounding and peace.
Zen doesn’t require silence, perfection, or spirituality. Zen simply invites presence.
It helps clients slow down and reconnect with their inner truth instead of reacting from fear or pain.
Practices may include:
intentional breathing
guided grounding
journaling
mindfulness
body awareness
emotional regulation techniques
Zen supports clients in choosing aligned responses instead of impulsive reactions. It creates emotional safety — the foundation of real transformation.
E — Elevation: Rising Into a New Chapter
Elevation is the moment when clients begin to rise above the story of loss and into the story of empowerment.
It’s when the questions shift from:
Why did this happen to me? to
What is this guiding me toward?
Elevation allows a person to walk away without labeling themselves a failure. It removes shame from the conversation. It acknowledges that not every relationship is meant to last forever — and that’s okay.
Closing a chapter is not giving up. Sometimes it is the bravest choice you can make.
It honors both individuals by allowing each to grow in directions that no longer align together.
Elevation is choosing truth, choosing healing, and choosing yourself.
The Transformation After the Transition
Divorce can reveal:
new levels of personal strength
desires that were buried
dreams that were paused
boundaries that were needed
the next version of one’s identity
With the right support, clients often emerge more centered, more aligned, and more self-aware than ever before.
Transformation doesn’t erase the past — it reshapes its meaning.
And with the R.I.Z.E. pillars guiding the journey, divorce becomes less about endings and more about evolution.
Final Thoughts
Divorce is not a failure. It is not a weakness. It is not a reflection of someone’s worth.
It is a transition — sometimes painful, sometimes liberating — but ultimately an opportunity to rediscover oneself.
Through Resilience, Introspection, Zen, and Elevation, clients learn that they are not breaking down — they are breaking open.
Wow, life has a way of showing up alerting us when it’s time to step back, readjust, and realign. During my time away: I found clarity of my purpose, how to show up for my community, and, most importantly, how to show up for myself. I’ve learned, leveled up, and leaned into the lessons. Isn’t that the point of it all?
The challenges we face—family, relationships, and work—aren’t just obstacles; they’re invitations to grow.
This season brought “A-ha!” moments, accomplished goals, and new beginnings. It also demanded honesty:
Having those deep conversations.
Looking into the mirror
Embracing imperfections
Weathering the storms of Life.
Peace isn’t found by avoiding the chaos but by moving through it with love, forgiveness, and patience.
Here’s what I know now: Transformation doesn’t rush, It takes time. For me, it took years; For others, months. There’s no “right” timeline. This journey asks for self-trust, compassion, and the courage to relinquish control. The unknown is scary, but it’s also where the magic happens.
So YES, I’m back!
I want to remind you: Silence isn’t surrender, it’s not weakness or quitting. Silence is sacred—it’s rest, learning, and healing. There will be seasons when you, too, need to pause Honor that.
🌊 Let’s step into this next chapter together—Open, Grateful, and Ready 🌊
